Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
