just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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