my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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