I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize