this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
