U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
