Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pants are for mortals
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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