You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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