Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
