i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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