I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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