and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
