Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk is a universal language darling
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