Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
