just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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