Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
