At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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