Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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