I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
