____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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