I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
