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• (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?

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• (509): View more from Washington

  My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And I can feel feelings now and they hurt

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a surprise for you guys

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What is it?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".

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• (716): View more from New York

  So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  WE ARE DOOMED.

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure

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