Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

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(619): View more from California

I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties

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(+82): View more from South Korea

I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?

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(734): View more from Michigan

i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen

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(931): View more from Tennessee

i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.

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(602): View more from Arizona

This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.

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