I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
