I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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