Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
