It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
