This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
