Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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