somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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