and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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