i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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