look no pants
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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