I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
