I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
