I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
