Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
