You're my little dorito
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
