8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
