Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
