wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
