Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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