6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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