No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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