woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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