It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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