I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
