I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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