When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
