dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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