He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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