honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
