Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
