Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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