I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
