I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
