If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize