This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
