why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
