in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
