please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
