Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
