it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
false alarm, still single
Randomize
