I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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