Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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