what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
