STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
