so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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