His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
